Change Your Life Not Your Wife (Book Review)

I was intrigued when I was approached about reviewing the book Change Your Life Not Your Wife: Marriage Saving Advice for Success Driven People. The idea of a marriage book for business people was an interesting mix, and it definitely didn’t disappoint. The authors, Tony Ferreti and Peter J. Weiss, put their cards on the table early on with a statement about the relationship with a spouse being the most important item after a person’s spiritual well being. I’m not ashamed of my faith, and I’m glad the authors took the extra step to make that important distinction. Let’s hit on some of the big picture thinking featured in the book.

Happy home life helps make happy work life

If you’re married, stop for a second and consider this scenario: you come home one day from a long day at work to find out that your spouse has packed up and moved out, completely destroying your home life. How well do you think you will be concentrating the next day at work? Do you think they will be getting the best that you have to offer? If you are not married, just imagine the same sort of fallout with someone you truly care about, and you’ll get an idea of the impact of this sort of crisis.

That quick little scenario was just an easy way to depict how much employee family problems can be affecting your workforce on a daily basis. We already know that some productivity issues exist for employees, but these events can have an even higher impact on someone’s productivity and creativity than a little Facebook time.

You are not the center of the universe

As a highly motivated individual pursuing success at every turn, it’s easy to become consumed with yourself. I’m not pointing fingers, because I’ve done it myself. My wife grounds me and serves as an amazing support for the work I do, both online and off. It can be easy to become consumed with yourself.

Work and marriage have different values/goals

Ask any ladder-climbing man or woman chasing success in the world of work, and they’d tell you their own formula for success. Odds are putting others’ needs in front of your own is not going to show up in the top slot for the majority of those individuals. However, that’s one of the big keys to an amazing marriage. The give and take that makes up a strong relationship goes counter to many of the concepts of self-promotion and performance feedback that many crave in the workplace.

A revelation for me

I’ve been reading the book over the past few weeks when I have time, so I’ve naturally been more open to considering ideas that align with the book’s concepts. I’ve noticed that when I have the opportunity to unwind and relax on my commute, I’m much more pleasant when I get to see my family. If something happens to interrupt that routine, then I have a hard time switching gears from “work” me to “home” me. Nothing groundbreaking there, but it’s just a reminder that even the little things like setting aside a little time to unwind after work can be important to the health of your family life.

I picked up a few ideas that I plan to use from the book, and it was definitely an enjoyable read. I’d recommend it if you are looking for ideas on how to better balance your work and your life (or your wife!). Get your copy here if you’re interested.

Check out other book reviews here.

11 thoughts on “Change Your Life Not Your Wife (Book Review)

  1. Love this post! Not just because you mentioned me (haha), but because it is so true. I remember wondering why some of the teachers I observed let things that happened at home play such a huge role in their day. However, now that I am a wife, mother, and teacher, I completely understand how things have to be balanced at home in order to be productive. We are both guilty of putting too much emphasis on our work at time. Let’s not remember those days that I use to spend working in my classroom until 9 before we had children. :-) Our home and work life is so much better when we take time to relax and enjoy time with each other and the girls. I love you and I think you are AWESOME (insert Bella’s voice here).

  2. You two (Ben and Melanie) are just too cute! This is a wonderful post because this is something I’m currently trying to improve on. I take for granted that my husband understands my need to succeed at work and that he tries to support the fact that I work 24/7. I recently had a revelation that just because he’s being supportive doesn’t mean I have a pass there… I’m taking advantage of that and I’m not setting aside time for us. I completely agree with the unwind on the way home from work… If 565 is clear and I have an easy ride and get some good music in I’ll probably be fine when I get home, but if I have to sit in some terrible kind of traffic-I’m a monster :( Anyway, I’m rambling, so I’m just gonna go buy that book! ;)

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