Tag Archives: Zombies

Monsters at work

Halloween costumes I made for Bella and Bree

Human resources professionals run into monsters at work more often than others. We see the dark side of people, and it’s easy to make comparisons to these famous monsters based on those observations…

  • The famed “B.O.” problem that everyone seems to visit HR about. A manager has an employee who smells like he hasn’t showered in weeks and wouldn’t know deodorant if it slapped him in the face. His hair is greasy, and the lack of personal hygiene is really just starting to creep people out. Sounds like a werewolf to me!
  • These people flutter around and suck the life out of your organization on a daily basis. They use gossip and other subversive activities behind the scenes to undermine the culture and leadership, often without anyone seeing the danger until it’s too late. Maybe vampires?
  • This person showed up out of nowhere. Nobody knows why he’s there or what he does, but he continues to collect a paycheck every week because nobody can get the nerve to talk to the guy because, honestly, he’s kind of creepy. Creature from the Black Lagoon, anyone?
  • These actively disengaged employees are hazardous to your organization’s health. Not only are they not working to better the company, they are actively working against it! They may not be the smartest people around, but brute force can get a lot accomplished if everyone is working toward the same goal. Of course, zombies don’t always have to be a bad thing. (Click here for 10 reasons to hire zombies)

And while he’s not exactly a monster, people still dress up as Batman for Halloween! I did a fun post a while back on what it would be like if Batman ran your HR department. Funny stuff!

7 more reasons to hire zombies

feed the zombiesIf you didn’t catch the original post on hiring zombies, then you might want to check it out. It will help this post to make more sense! Several of the comments on that post had some great responses, and I’ve incorporated them into this sequel. Okay, less talk, more fun. Here we go!

  1. Zombies simplify the succession planning process. When an executive dies, just bring them back to life.
  2. Zombies don’t need lunch or smoke breaks. 
  3. If performance is an issue, just shoot the offender and bring in a new one.
  4. They are very inexpensive labor and not covered by the FLSA.
  5. You’ll never have to have the “your thong is showing” conversation. 
  6. While body odor would be a problem, the other zombies wouldn’t really care to complain.
  7. If you have to fire a zombie, you can be sure it won’t cry.

Do you have a reason to hire a zombie? I’d love to hear it! Leave a comment below and maybe we can carry this into a trilogy.

Photo by u2canreed.

25 Ways People Found Me

questionsI am always interested in finding out how people learn about me. But sometimes the information or avenue can be a bit… Um, weird? Yeah, that’s about the only way I can put it. Check out these 25 ways people found me via Google. If you’re one of them, I hope you found what you came for. And it looks like a lot of people ended up here looking for zombie info. Maybe you found that, too.

  1. Can You Train a Zombie? I haven’t, but it doesn’t mean you can’t try. Just keep an eye on your brains.
  2. why i didn’t pass the sphr exam Probably because you didn’t have an awesome study resource to help.
  3. passing the gphr I got some search traffic on this one, but I sure as heck don’t know how to pass the GPHR. Anyone out there in the audience GPHR certified?
  4. HR formulas I feel bad for the people who used that one. It takes you to a post with absolutely nothing useful in it. One of my earlier, funnier posts. I keep meaning to go back and fix that, but it slips my mind…
  5. can sphr be passed without experience No, because you have to have experience to take the SPHR. It’s not the same with the PHR, but it will be in 2011.
  6. creativity for hr professionals Creativity is what I have more than enough of. I can’t get that darn brain to shut off. Now if I only had the time to make it useful, things would be wildly different.
  7. recruiting rock Hmmm… Is that a song? A recruiter for rocks? I can’t figure out that one!
  8. 10 reasons why you’re a zombie All of them probably start with “because you were bitten, you idiot.”
  9. computer is dying before upstart is ready Ummm. What?
  10. dude you’re a zombie There’s really no way to break the news to them easy, you know? Continue reading →

Guest Post Blitz #3

I try not to let things catch me by surprise. But it happens anyway. Oh, well! I am on the move much of the time, and I try to save my best writing times for this site. However, I occasionally slip in an article somewhere else, and I try not to let them go by without at least a passing mention. With that in mind, feel free to explore these little seeds that I’ve scattered to the four corners of the online world. Continue reading →

10 reasons to hire zombies

It’s October. That means Halloween is just around the corner. And I’ve got a Halloween business strategy that employers will be dying to get their hands on. Okay, I’ll let you in on my secret. Zombies. What if your HR reps could reanimate dead flesh and bring those zombies into the workplace? The potential benefits more than outweigh the occasional brain-eating frenzy. Here are 10 reasons to hire zombies in your workplace…

  1. Use them to cull the bad employees from the herd. That should discourage the ‘ole quit-and-stay mentality.
  2. While they\’re not great at complex tasks, you can use them as motivators for the people who do those types of work. Bob in accounting wouldn\’t screw up the numbers with a zombie hanging over his shoulder!
  3. Since they don\’t get diseases or sickness, you won\’t have to waste any more time with FMLA.
  4. The benefits package would be cheap. They don\’t even need vacation pay!
  5. Zombies don\’t get tired, and they never waste time on Twitter (although Zombiebook is growing in popularity from what I hear).
  6. Everyone loves zombies. They\’re so cuddly. There have been dozens of movies dedicated to their antics.
  7. There is a drastically simplified recruiting/hiring process associated with zombies, and it\’s actually just a single question. Are you a zombie? [grunt] Great! You\’re hired.
  8. In case #7 worries you, don\’t freak out too much. Zombies aren\’t a protected EEOC class. I checked.
  9. You can train them to recognize and attack union organizers, IRS agents, or OSHA inspectors.
  10. With all of the recent employee engagement talk, you really don\’t have to worry. Zombies stay 100% engaged until a shotgun blast pulverizes their skull.

But, as always, I’m not covering something. What are we missing? Is there another great reason to hire zombies that I’m not covering? Drop it in the comments below! And if you enjoyed this list, then you might want to check out the Batman list as well!

Update: I posted a sequel list (more reasons to hire zombies). Check it out!