It’s October. That means Halloween is just around the corner. And I’ve got a Halloween business strategy that employers will be dying to get their hands on. Okay, I’ll let you in on my secret. Zombies. What if your HR reps could reanimate dead flesh and bring those zombies into the workplace? The potential benefits more than outweigh the occasional brain-eating frenzy. Here are 10 reasons to hire zombies in your workplace…
- Use them to cull the bad employees from the herd. That should discourage the ‘ole quit-and-stay mentality.
- While they\’re not great at complex tasks, you can use them as motivators for the people who do those types of work. Bob in accounting wouldn\’t screw up the numbers with a zombie hanging over his shoulder!
- Since they don\’t get diseases or sickness, you won\’t have to waste any more time with FMLA.
- The benefits package would be cheap. They don\’t even need vacation pay!
- Zombies don\’t get tired, and they never waste time on Twitter (although Zombiebook is growing in popularity from what I hear).
- Everyone loves zombies. They\’re so cuddly. There have been dozens of movies dedicated to their antics.
- There is a drastically simplified recruiting/hiring process associated with zombies, and it\’s actually just a single question. Are you a zombie? [grunt] Great! You\’re hired.
- In case #7 worries you, don\’t freak out too much. Zombies aren\’t a protected EEOC class. I checked.
- You can train them to recognize and attack union organizers, IRS agents, or OSHA inspectors.
- With all of the recent employee engagement talk, you really don\’t have to worry. Zombies stay 100% engaged until a shotgun blast pulverizes their skull.
But, as always, I’m not covering something. What are we missing? Is there another great reason to hire zombies that I’m not covering? Drop it in the comments below! And if you enjoyed this list, then you might want to check out the Batman list as well!
Update: I posted a sequel list (more reasons to hire zombies). Check it out!