Just a heads up that the Rock Your Corporate Culture guide is now live. It took a lot of hard work (post coming soon on the crazy life of writing an eBook while working full time and making time for family as well!), but it’s finally paid off. This thing is going to help some people rock the culture at their own organizations, and I can’t wait for the testimonials to start pouring in. If you are a fan of workplace culture and how to do it right, this is the tool for you.
Category Archives: General
Note to self: Don’t insult a hand-to-hand combat instructor
Warning: This post is supposed to be humorous. If you are not experienced with humor, you might not get it. If that is the case, here’s the IRS website. Feel free to read some of that really exciting stuff over there. Why humor? Because we’re HR professionals, darn it. If we don’t get some measure of humor our souls wither and die.
Today I’ll tell the story of when I accidentally insulted someone during new hire orientation.
And not just any someone.
This guy’s dream (as he’d already told me several times) was to own his own firearms and hand-to-hand combat training business, so he was a pretty tough dude.
So, I’d been recruiting this guy for a few weeks, but we hadn’t been able to talk very much since he was overseas at the time. He was taking a remote position with us, and the group he was working with was actually in town on the day he started, so he came to the home office for his new hire orientation. Simple enough, right?
Well, we are sitting in the orientation session and I pause to talk about the different pieces of the company and what all we do. I mentioned a recent proposal we had submitted to do some work for the government, and his temper went from zero to sixty in a heartbeat. He was on his feet, pacing back and forth, and growling about how dumb the decision was. I’ve never actually seen someone “gnashing their teeth,” but I’m willing to bet that was about as close as you can get.
They make you take psychology classes in college when you get an HR degree. You also take things like communications, public speaking, etc. Basically, you should know how to talk to someone. Heh. At the time that was the furthest thing from my mind.
This guy is a trained killer, and I just made him angry. If he smashes the computer and chairs, I’m the next biggest thing in the room for him to take his frustrations out on. Unless he used the computer and chairs to smash me. That seems pretty efficient, and I haven’t seen anything inefficient about the guy since I met him. Crap.I’d rather go out in a blaze of glory. Beaten to death with a faux leather office chair was not in my top five ways to die.Â
Agh. Why didn’t I sit closer to the door? I could at least get it halfway open before he snaps my neck like a twig. I wonder if I could distract him. Too bad I don’t have a red cape to wave in his face or something. Or a bazooka. That would probably be intimidating, except for the fact that I have no idea how to use one. Sigh. College was such a poor way to spend my time.Â
At this point he’s started to calm down a little after circling the room a few times. I’d like to say it was at that point that I took control of the situation and moved on with the orientation.
But I didn’t.
Wow. His hands look really big. I wonder if he could wrap them all the way around my neck. I wonder where he’d hide the body. It’s a small room. But he’s probably inventive. He could stuff me in the ceiling tiles and be out of the building before anyone realized I was missing. Why didn’t I take the extra optional life insurance package? Darn. Wait a minute, what if I play dead? Will he still attack? Oh, wait, that’s for bears, not people. Stupid Discovery Channel. Why don’t you tell us how to survive people? I have yet to see a bear from three feet away, but I’ve been that close to plenty of crazy people…Â Wait a minute, he’s looking at me again.
By this point he was sitting in his chair, staring at me as if IÂ was the one who had nearly just blew his top. I stumbled and stuttered through the rest of the slides, made an excuse to leave the room, and breathed deeply of the fresh air that filled my lungs.
I had survived.
I’d like to say there’s a grandiose lesson here, but I can’t think of one. Just make sure you sit near the door if you are ever alone in a room with a former special-forces-trained-killer and there’s a chance you could make them angry at you.
Anyone else have a crazy new hire orientation story?
Gratitude matters, now more than ever
The other day I had to stop by the dreaded DMV to get a new tag for our vehicle. The lady behind the counter couldn’t have looked more bored if she tried, but I tried to put on my happy face. This place was not going to destroy my soul for the short duration of my stay.
A man in front of me in line was trying to pay his taxes, and the lady kept telling him he owed a specific amount. He told her the car had not been used in several months, and she said, “Well, if you can tell me the exact date then I can put that in.”
He seemed lost for a moment. He did not have any way of guessing the accurate date without a calendar, and she was not about to offer any information, so I pulled out my phone.
Tap. Tap. Tap.Â
“If it was the first Monday in September, that was the 4th.”
The man turned and looked at me with such relief, and I just turned back to my phone, somewhat embarrassed. I was mentally willing the transaction to finish at light speed. He turned back to the counter, and the lady said, “Well, you still have to tell me the date.”
The guy replied that what I had said sounded correct, though he didn’t have any way of verifying the date without a calendar.
She raised her voice and repeated, “I don’t care, you still have to tell me the date!”
He looked a little annoyed by the attitude, but he repeated the date and she went back to typing on her computer. A few moments later she handed him the form to sign and said, “You only saved $12 by going through all that trouble.”
He smiled and said, “Oh, but $12 is 12, and that’s worth something to me.”
She just shook her head, handed him the receipt, and looked to the next person in line. She’d already forgotten he existed.
I ended up using a different teller who was much more pleasant, and I offered her a loud and hearty “thank you” for her assistance when it was time to go. She was going to need the positive vibes if she was to be stationed next to the Grinch as long as she worked there.
A lesson for us all
This time of year is tough on many people as they are trying to make ends meet while still bringing some measure of joy to family and friends for the holidays. Some people can’t be home to celebrate (we’re praying for your safe return from Afghanistan, George!).
When you’re out and about and someone is serving you, offer them a smile and a measure of gratitude. It might not change their life, but it could make their day.
Alabama legislation: No more gifts for teachers
This saga has rocked Alabama for a few days, and I thought it was an interesting story to share with the outside world. The short version is that teachers can no longer receive gift cards or anything of value from parents as a “thank you” for doing a great job. My response is to this is, “What’s next, outlawing tips for servers?” Teachers have a tough job, and many parents realize that. They appreciate the effort and long hours put in by the people who are educating their children, and they want to take the time around the holidays to do something special to help the teacher understand that they care.
Then the government steps in and wrecks everything (which is pretty standard).
Check out the excerpt below from an email one school system sent to its parents and employees:
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In the Opinion issued yesterday, the Ethics Commission set out two specific rules that apply with respect to any gift to teachers:
- The gift may not be given for any corrupt purpose, and
- The gift has to be “de minimis” in value.
The first rule is easy enough to understand and unlikely to be an issue with gifts you would give to teachers. The meaning of “de minimis”, however, is a cause of some concern because while the term is used in the law, no definition of it is included. The Ethics Commission opinion issued yesterday offered as guidance the definition of the term as employed by the Internal Revenue Service: “A benefit so small as to make accounting for it unreasonable or unpractical.” The Commission also stated an item of “de minimis” value neither has significant intrinsic value nor the possibility of being sold for profit.
The Commission opinion stated clearly that teachers and public employees cannot receive gifts like:
- hams, turkeys, etc;
- gift cards with monetary value.
This list of prohibited gifts is obviously not all inclusive. The bottom line, as we understand the Commission opinion, is that any gifts given must be of de minimis, or insignificant intrinsic value to the teacher (unless specifically for the classroom, as mentioned below).
The Commission has given its opinion that teachers may receive gifts like the following (assuming they are not given for a corrupt purpose):
- Fruit baskets, homemade cookies, etc.;
- Christmas ornaments of little intrinsic value;
- Coffee mugs filled with candy of a holiday nature;
- Any item a teacher may use to assist him/her in performing his or her functions as a teacher, such as notebooks, school supplies, etc.
- CD’s or books of a nominal value, scarves, etc.
Obviously, this is not an all inclusive list but it should provide some guidelines to you of the types of gifts that are acceptable for school teachers to receive.
The Commission did note that the school or teacher may receive gift cards specifically for use on items needed in the classroom at any time during the year. But it specifically prohibited receipt of gift cards by a teacher for the teacher’s personal use. We see a significant risk of confusion here. For that reason we request that if you wish to present a gift card for classroom supplies to a teacher, please present it to the school principal’s office accompanied by instructions that it is given for the use of a particular teacher or classroom.
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Does anyone else think this is more than a little crazy?
Disengaged employees-this is what it feels like
Hi, I’m Ben, and I’m a disengaged employee.
When we talk about disengaged employees, we look at it as a problem to be solved. In some cases (like mine), there might not be an easy solution. In case you’re wondering, I am not talking about my day job. I’m talking about a second gig I have on the side for the weekends. Read on… Continue reading
Am I good enough?
AKA A Short Story About Feedback
I was talking with my manager the other day after not seeing her for a few days, and before I could stop myself the words just started tumbling out of my mouth:
I know you haven’t been in the office much lately, and when you have, you’ve been so busy that the door’s closed most of the time. But after losing contact on some of the projects we’re working on I start to wonder, “Is it me? Did I do something wrong?” I start to second guess myself even when there’s nothing going on. Are we good?
Her response? Continue reading
Job interview test-Let’s see what you can do
Ever been quizzed in a job interview? Test prep is difficult when the interviewer moves away from the rote questions and asks you to actually perform the job as a display of your competency. I ran across this great post the other day by Jorden Bartlett and just had to share. She talks about using tests during interviews to assess someone’s ability to actually (gasp!) demonstrate the skills required for the job.
It made me wonder… What sort of tests could we use at work on our own employees? Continue reading