That’s a snazzy title if I do say so myself! Where did it come from? Well, I was reminiscing about crazy work stories with my coworker, and I then remembered that I’d never really told the story of how I set an ATM on fire while on the job. So… Here we go!
In the summer after I graduated high school, I wanted to get a job other than working for my parents as I had for several years. So I talked with a friend who was a branch manager at a local bank and she recommended me for the summer hire program. So for the first time in my life, I went to interview for a job.
Needless to say, I got the job. And strangely like my current profession, I was one of the only men to do the job of a bank teller. Anyway, I had been working at different banks in the area, rotating to a new one every other week. Finally I ended up at a location that I really liked. The other tellers were friendly and really enjoyed having me around.
If you didn’t catch the original post on hiring zombies, then you might want to check it out. It will help this post to make more sense! Several of the comments on that post had some great responses, and I’ve incorporated them into this sequel. Okay, less talk, more fun. Here we go!
Zombies simplify the succession planning process. When an executive dies, just bring them back to life. via April
Zombies don’t need lunch or smoke breaks. via Trish
If performance is an issue, just shoot the offender and bring in a new one.
They are very inexpensive labor and not covered by the FLSA. via Tammy
You’ll never have to have the “your thong is showing” conversation. via Trish
While body odor would be a problem, the other zombies wouldn’t really care to complain. via Nevinesq
If you have to fire a zombie, you can be sure it won’t cry. via Trish
Do you have a reason to hire a zombie? I’d love to hear it! Leave a comment below and maybe we can carry this into a trilogy. I actually started writing a funny post series a looong time ago called “Bob the Office Zombie.” He screwed everything up that he touched, and he was the only zombie in an otherwise normal office. I’m thinking that I need to pull that out of the closet and dust it off. What do you think?
I am always interested in finding out how people learn about me. But sometimes the information or avenue can be a bit… Um, weird? Yeah, that’s about the only way I can put it. Check out these 25 ways people found me via Google. If you’re one of them, I hope you found what you came for. And it looks like a lot of people ended up here looking for zombie info. Maybe you found that, too.
Can You Train a Zombie? I haven’t, but it doesn’t mean you can’t try. Just keep an eye on your brains.
why i didn’t pass the sphr exam Probably because you didn’t have an awesome study resource to help.
passing the gphr I got some search traffic on this one, but I sure as heck don’t know how to pass the GPHR. Anyone out there in the audience GPHR certified?
HR formulas I feel bad for the people who used that one. It takes you to a post with absolutely nothing useful in it. One of my earlier, funnier posts. I keep meaning to go back and fix that, but it slips my mind…
can sphr be passed without experience No, because you have to have experience to take the SPHR. It’s not the same with the PHR, but it will be in 2011.
I’ve been reading a lot about culture at work recently, and I have to say that I’m intrigued. Before my current job, I would never have thought that it made much of a difference, but now that I have seen the benefits of a solid, positive corporate culture, I am convinced of the value it brings to the organization.
If someone tells you that culture doesn’t matter, they probably don’t have a good one.
Instead of being treated like a child or a criminal where each movement is tracked and must be given a specific reason, I now have the freedom to come and go pretty much whenever I please (as long as I get the job done).
I have never laughed so much in my entire working life as I did in an HR department meeting a while back. Do you ever laugh in meetings? I hope so, because it’s a heck of a lot of fun.
At any time I can walk into my supervisor’s office, sit down, and tell her anything at all. While we have fun together most of the time, we also share some serious moments that impact my career and the business. I love the wild changes in tone. I’m definitely someone who needs to laugh at work, and she is happy to oblige!
I can talk about zombies whenever I want.
These are just a few examples (and looking back, most of them are about humor–interesting) of what my work life is like and how it is different from my previous jobs. But I absolutely love it, and there’s so much room for growth and improvement on my part. I can’t wait to see what the future holds.
Can you say "instant relief?" I can.
VHRG and Leadership
I don’t know if you’re a regular reader or not, but Venting HR Guy is a funny human resources blog that showcases some of the daily events we all face. The difference is that VHRG can be a little more forthcoming in detailing his workday, because his identity is a secret. It makes for an interesting blog, that’s for sure.
Anyway, VHRG often has issues that he tries to deal with at work. However, the response from his boss, known by the clever name “The Boss,” is often to side with the employee for some reason. Have an employee getting payroll advances several times a month for more than a year? Instead of cutting the guy off, VHRG will probably be forced by The Boss to give into the demands of the financially moronic employee. And that’s just one example.
While you might not have that specific problem, I’m pretty sure that plenty of you have seen this in your own workplace (and if not, count yourself lucky!). You want to handle a situation that is within your realm of influence, but someone upstream gets word of the issue and wants to handle it a different way. How in the world can HR be taken seriously if they’re constantly hamstrung and second-guessed by senior leadership?
They can’t.
That’s why I think VHRG needs some leadership. He needs a change. He is already looking for a new job, and I know that many of us would love to help, but with the whole “cloak of anonymity” he has going on, it’s a bit tough to do. If you have suggestions for how he can deal with his spineless leaders, please drop them in the comments below. I’m going to collect and pass them along to him.
In contrast to VHRG’s leadership problems, I spoke to a friend recently who was looking for a new job. She was ready to move on from her current position, and she had her eye on several positions. Then a new leader was brought into the organization, and it’s been amazing to see the change. She’s more positive, excited about her work, and the “leaving” part has completely been pushed out of her mind. It’s amazing to see what positive leadership does, but it’s also sad to see what happens when that leadership is absent, which is what’s going on in VHRG’s situation.
I’m not picking on my pal here; I just know that there are lots of other HR professionals who have the same issue, and they know that their “leaders” won’t back them up when a tough issue comes along. And if you have any tips on how he can move into another job, please post them in the comments, too. Every little bit helps, and the HR community is well-known for its helpfulness!
Culture
I’ve been reading a lot about culture at work recently, and I have to say that I’m intrigued. Before my current job, I would never have thought that it made much of a difference, but now that I have seen the benefits of a solid, positive corporate culture, I am convinced of the value it brings to the organization.
If someone tells you that culture doesn’t matter, they probably don’t have a good one.
Instead of being treated like a child or a criminal where each movement is tracked and must be given a specific reason, I now have the freedom to come and go pretty much whenever I please (as long as I get the job done).
I have never laughed so much in my entire working life as I did in an HR department meeting a while back. Do you ever laugh in meetings? I hope so, because it’s a heck of a lot of fun.
At any time I can walk into my supervisor’s office, sit down, and tell her anything at all. While we have fun together most of the time, we also share some serious moments that impact my career and the business. I love the wild changes in tone. I’m definitely someone who needs to laugh at work, and she is happy to oblige!
These are just a few examples (and looking back, most of them are about humor–interesting) of what my work life is like and how it is different from my previous jobs. But I absolutely love it, and there’s so much room for growth and improvement on my part. I can’t wait to see what the future holds.
It’s October. That means Halloween is just around the corner. And I’ve got a Halloween business strategy that employers will be dying to get their hands on. Okay, I’ll let you in on my secret. Zombies. What if your HR reps could reanimate dead flesh and bring those zombies into the workplace? The potential benefits more than outweigh the occasional brain-eating frenzy. Here are 10 reasons to hire zombies in your workplace…
Use them to cull the bad employees from the herd. That should discourage the ‘ole quit-and-stay mentality.
While they’re not great at complex tasks, you can use them as motivators for the people who do those types of work. Bob in accounting wouldn’t screw up the numbers with a zombie hanging over his shoulder!
Since they don’t get diseases or sickness, you won’t have to waste any more time with FMLA.
The benefits package would be cheap. They don’t even need vacation pay!
Zombies don’t get tired, and they never waste time on Twitter (although Zombiebook is growing in popularity from what I hear).
Everyone loves zombies. They’re so cuddly. There have been dozens of movies dedicated to their antics.
There is a drastically simplified recruiting/hiring process associated with zombies, and it’s actually just a single question. Are you a zombie? [grunt] Great! You’re hired.
In case #7 worries you, don’t freak out too much. Zombies aren’t a protected EEOC class. I checked.
You can train them to recognize and attack union organizers, IRS agents, or OSHA inspectors.
With all of the recent employee engagement talk, you really don’t have to worry. Zombies stay 100% engaged until a shotgun blast pulverizes their skull.
But, as always, I’m not covering something. What are we missing? Is there another great reason to hire zombies that I’m not covering? Drop it in the comments below! And if you enjoyed this list, then you might want to check out the Batman list as well!
Anyway, I had been working at different banks in the area, rotating to a new one every other week. Finally I ended up at a location that I really liked. The other tellers were friendly and really enjoyed having me around.
I am always interested in finding out how people learn about me. But sometimes the information or avenue can be a bit… Um, weird? Yeah, that’s about the only way I can put it. Check out these 25 ways people found me via Google. If you’re one of them, I hope you found what you came for. And it looks like a lot of people ended up here looking for zombie info. Maybe you found that, too.
