Tag Archives: Top Ten

7 more reasons to hire zombies

feed the zombiesIf you didn’t catch the original post on hiring zombies, then you might want to check it out. It will help this post to make more sense! Several of the comments on that post had some great responses, and I’ve incorporated them into this sequel. Okay, less talk, more fun. Here we go!

  1. Zombies simplify the succession planning process. When an executive dies, just bring them back to life.
  2. Zombies don’t need lunch or smoke breaks. 
  3. If performance is an issue, just shoot the offender and bring in a new one.
  4. They are very inexpensive labor and not covered by the FLSA.
  5. You’ll never have to have the “your thong is showing” conversation. 
  6. While body odor would be a problem, the other zombies wouldn’t really care to complain.
  7. If you have to fire a zombie, you can be sure it won’t cry.

Do you have a reason to hire a zombie? I’d love to hear it! Leave a comment below and maybe we can carry this into a trilogy.

Photo by u2canreed.

If Batman was in HR

 
Batman tat. Coolness.
Batman tat. Coolness.

I’m a Batman fan. Yes, my geekery is showing, but you know it’s fun to watch! What if Batman was in HR? What would happen? Well, here are a few of my thoughts, but I’d love to hear yours, too!

  1. Strategic plans would always begin with the phrase: “hop into the Batmobile.”
  2. Theft of office supplies would drop drastically.
  3. Capes and masks would be required in the new dress code.
  4. Senior management would be known as “villains.”
  5. He could give a drug screen, interview an applicant, and terminate an employee using gadgets in his utility belt.
  6. He’d teach the receptionist seven forms of martial arts to use on annoying sales people.
  7. Office hours would be 8pm-4am.
  8. Admins would be called “sidekicks.”
  9. Christmas bonuses would be $1M per employee from an “anonymous donor.”
  10. Employees would be too terrified to perform poorly.
  11. Job titles like “bat-accountant” and “bat-IT manager” would be commonplace.

I’m sure that’s not all, but I need some help! What would be different if Batman was in your HR department?

Top 15 Reasons to Take the PHR or SPHR Exam

Getting certified. Its a big deal for some people. Not so much for others. And some people just laugh at others about it. Why in the world do people put themselves through this kind of stuff? Well, here are the top 15 reasons to take the PHR or SPHR exam… And if you don’t get humor/sarcasm, then this ain’t the post for you. :-)

  1. Your boss told you to.
  2. You really want that nifty certificate on your wall.
  3. It’s easier to be the “smug HR person” when you have letters after your name.
  4. It can help you pick up HR chicks/dudes.
  5. You want to show your mastery of some subject so boring that it would make a librarian cry.
  6. You needed an excuse to get the Rock the PHR guide.
  7. You need something to balance that upcoming performance review.
  8. That new job you’re looking at requires it.
  9. You’re in HR. Other than torturing employees, you have a lot of free time.
  10. You’d like to demonstrate excellence in (snort) and commitment to (giggle) the HR profession (cough). Riiiight.
  11. All the cool kids are doing it.
  12. You enjoy spending hundreds of dollars on study materials.
  13. Because Dwight Schrute would do it if he was in HR.
  14. You want to learn new and creative ways to make employees miserable.
  15. Because you want your HR department to do more than plan birthday parties.

And there you have them! The top 15 reasons to take the PHR or SPHR exam. Think you could do better? Have something to add? Drop it in the comments below.

http://humanresourcespufnstuf.wordpress.com/2009/08/20/today-at-1100-a-m-central-you-can-rock-the-phr

Top 10 Reasons I\’m NOT Attending SHRM 2009

This morning, Tara Berger (@TaraAtBeyond) posted her Top 10 Reasons to Attend SHRM09 on Twitter.  In was in that spirit that this post was born…

I’ve been crying myself to sleep every night for the past few weeks, because SHRM09 is coming, and it’s coming on fast. I’m not the only one not able to attend the party, but I am the only one who will be posting a list of excuses for not attending.

  1. The judge said I can\’t cross state lines.
  2. My boss won\’t let me.
  3. I haven\’t paid that much money for a car, much less a trip.
  4. They didn’t invite me to speak. Like I’m not up to Jack Welch-level or something. Whatever.
  5. Networking? Pfft. Who needs it?
  6. I am quite confident that I know everything already.
  7. Going to NOLA and having time off work? Where\’s the fun in that?
  8. I\’m terrified of the scary people who will be there.
  9. It\’s SO much more fun to Twitter than actually DO anything.
  10. I have more time to look forward to SHRM 2010. (Woohoo! Anticipation, baby!)

In all seriousness, I hope everyone stays safe, learns a lot, drops great tweets (with the #SHRM09 hashtag), and remembers all of us “left behind” on the battlefield.  Have fun!